


The Things We Do For Love

by islandsmoke



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-25
Updated: 2011-11-25
Packaged: 2020-03-08 15:37:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18897583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islandsmoke/pseuds/islandsmoke
Summary: Severus never knew why the smell of orange blossoms made Remus ill.





	The Things We Do For Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a birthday gift for Snegurochka Lee.  
> Betas: Hogwarts Honey, busaikko

**_"Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies."_** ~ Oscar Wilde

~~~~

There should be a cold and bitter wind tearing at his skin; sleet should be making the cobbles of the ancient street treacherous. There should be clouds billowing across the pale face of the moon and danger lurking in the shadows. It certainly shouldn't be a deliciously warm night, air heavy with the sweet scent of orange blossoms, and with a half-moon hanging overhead in a cloudless sky. The sound of music and laughter shouldn't be spilling from the cantina across the street.

Remus staggered toward the river where he fell to his knees as his stomach emptied its contents on the packed earth, then continued to try and turn itself inside out.

When the heaving finally calmed, he just knelt there, eyes closed, gasping for breath. As soon as he could, he staggered to his feet, pulled his wand, and without checking for Muggles, Apparated away.

Once in his own living room, he collapsed on the couch and dropped his head into his hands.

_Why?_ Why had he gone?

Six weeks ago, while filling out the reservation form for the Annual Potioneers' Convention, Severus had asked Remus if he'd wanted to come along. He asked every year, but Remus almost always turned him down. Though the locations chosen for the convention were always interesting and attractive, Remus discovered after only a few trips with Severus that he didn't enjoy the local enticements that much without Severus to share them. Besides, he knew Severus enjoyed debating the finer points of brewing with his fellow potion masters and picking the brains of those who intrigued him over a few pints in the evenings, so it had been years since he had accompanied Severus to one of the four-day events. Severus had always returned sharp and energized, eager to try out new ideas and techniques in his lab.

Remus usually spent his time alone at work, then, over the weekend, puttering about their flat, relaxing and reading. This year, however, spring was particularly nasty, with seemingly endless rain, grey skies, and a bitter cold that didn't want to let go its grip on Scotland. The South of Spain proved a lure too strong to resist, so after only two days alone, Remus had thrown a few things into a bag, shrunk it to fit in a pocket, and Apparated away to bluer skies and warm Mediterranean breezes.

He had been walking down the street of the Muggle village that was the gateway to the Wizarding World in that part of the country when he heard it. A soft sound, hardly more than an exhaled breath, but he knew it as well as he knew the sound of his own heartbeat. His heart stood still as he heard it again. He froze in his tracks, then advanced slowly toward the narrow lane from whence the sound had come, soft as the night breeze. Staying out of sight behind a potted orange tree, Remus peered through the waxy, white blossoms into the dimly lit alley.

Severus Snape, friend, lover, _husband_ , was being pressed against the old stone wall of a bakery and thoroughly snogged. His hands were tangled in the hair of a much taller man, a man whose meaty hand was groping Severus' crotch with enough firmness and purpose to elicit those soft, needy sounds that pierced Remus' heart.

His soul in chaos, he fled.

~~

Two days later, Remus stood in the living room of the flat he shared with his husband. His body felt numb and his insides hurt as though gripped in a cold vise. His heart, he was sure, failed to beat. The only light filtered in from the street lamps below, the rain making streaky shadows on the walls and on Remus' face.

The latch clicked, and Severus flicked on the light as he entered the foyer. He set down his case, then unwound his long scarf and hung it, along with his cloak, on the hat stand. Remus shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and the movement caught Severus' eye. He turned, a smile barely lifting the corners of his mouth, but his eyes glowing with warmth as they landed on Remus.

"Remus! I didn't see you there, skulking in the dark." He strode forward, one hand reaching to circle the back of Remus' neck, drawing him in to a kiss.

Remus felt something tear inside him as the soft, warm lips met his, and though he didn't intend to, didn't think he was capable, he responded to the familiar greeting. Severus' other hand came up to rest at his waist, and of their own volition, Remus' arms circled the man he had pledged himself to twelve years ago.

Severus must have felt the hesitation for he pulled back with a slight frown and studied Remus' face in the dim light. "Are you well? You look like shite."

"I think…" Remus cleared his throat. "I think I ate something a bit off."

"Did you take anything for it?" Cool fingers smoothed unkempt hair off Remus' forehead, and he closed his eyes.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine now. Just a little tired."

"Not _too_ tired, I hope." A wicked smile teased one side of those narrow lips as he trailed fingers down Remus' chest. "I've missed you."

It felt as though icy, steel talons were crushing his heart, squeezing the blood out of it, and Remus grabbed Severus by the arm and dragged him to the bedroom, desperate to know that Severus was still his; that Severus still wanted him. Clothes were pulled off and tossed in random directions as they fell into bed, hands and mouths everywhere; Remus desperate in his need and Severus right there with him, every touch of the way.

Remus rolled on top of Severus, biting his neck and wedging a thigh against his groin.

And then it came.

That sound.

That soft, needy sound, stroking over his skin. The sound that usually made him so unbelievably hard. The sound that he had heard coming from the alley.

Remus jack-knifed off the bed and bolted for the loo. He barely made it in time before his already empty stomach tried to empty itself further. Eyes squeezed tightly shut, he hung over the bowl, drooling and spitting and trying to settle his stomach by sheer force of will.

"What the hell did you get into?" He heard Severus muttering as he rifled through the cabinet, knocking things over in his haste. "Here." He pushed Remus' hair back and handed him a glass of water. "Rinse and spit."

Remus obeyed meekly, then took the measure of potion that Severus poured him. Naked and crouching beside him, Severus was still half hard. Remus groaned and slumped back against the wall with his eyes closed. A cool flannel wiped gently over his face, and he felt the backs of his eyes start to burn at the tenderness of the gesture.

He clenched his teeth hard. He had to get a grip.

Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes. Severus' face swam into focus, close to his own. The dark eyes were filled with concern, with pity, and with god-damned _love._

For a moment, Remus hated him.

"Better? Can you come back to bed without spewing?" Severus helped him up and slipped an arm around his waist as they made their way back to the bedroom.

Severus eased him back on the bed, made him comfortable, then slid under the covers, close to his side.

As he drifted off, Remus heard Severus murmur. "Honestly Remus, I can't even leave you alone for a few days without you getting into trouble."

~~

Remus stayed home from work the next day and Severus was ready to remain with him, but Remus insisted he return to his lab. His minions, Remus pointed out, had already had two days without him, and were surely in need of terrorizing. Severus had cupped his cheek with long fingers as he studied Remus' face, then kissing him lightly, admonished him to take more of the potion if he needed it, to rest, and to floo-call if he needed anything.

With a fresh cup of tea, Remus sat at the table by the window of their spacious flat. It faced east, and was usually bright with sun at this time of day, but the cold rain was still falling. An appropriate accompaniment, Remus though numbly, to his mood.

That Severus loved him he had no doubt. Though he rarely spoke any words of love, it was there in dozens of small gestures every day. He was a strong and enthusiastic lover, and had never seemed to be dissatisfied with their life together in any way.

So, _why?_

Remus paced the flat, picking up and looking at the mementos they had collected over their more than a decade together.

Severus' care of him since his return seemed to be free of guilt or guile, as though nothing untoward had happened.

The framed picture of the two of them in Egypt slipped from Remus' nerveless fingers. Perhaps nothing new or different _had_ happened? He dropped on the couch, cold sweat on his forehead. Had this happened before? Was this something Severus did whenever he was away? _Whenever the opportunity presented itself?_

Remus wiped a shaking hand over his eyes. He had always taken monogamy for granted; he was simply that kind of man. Perhaps it was his werewolf blood, but maybe it was just the way he was wired. In his twelve years of marriage to Severus, he had _not once_ looked at another man with desire. Appreciation, of course, he wasn't dead, but not desire. It was a feeling that simply didn't exist when it came to anyone else.

Had Severus been with other men all during their marriage? Did he shag them? Did the big man in the alley turn Severus to the wall, yank down his trousers and shove inside him? Or did Severus drop to his knees and suck the man off?

Remus bolted for the loo, downing some of Severus' potion with shaking hands.

How could he do this? Didn't Severus _know_ how he felt? What it would do to him?

Ah.

They had never spoken of it; he had assumed Severus felt the same as he did. Perhaps Severus had been thinking the same way about him?

He splashed cold water over his face, scrubbed it with a towel and gave a shaky laugh. Could they really have lived together for twelve years and known so little about each other?

Did it matter? Should he talk about it, now, after all this time? Did he want to know if this was a regular pattern of behavior for Severus? Did he want to know that they had misjudged each other so badly?

~~

That night he made aggressive, claiming love to Severus, viciously banishing all thoughts of him with other lovers. Severus arched up and cried out as he came, and with a groan, Remus emptied himself inside his husband's body. He slumped forward, burying his face in the crook of Severus' neck, breathing his scent deeply.

He needed this; needed Severus; needed to keep the illusion that all was well. He simply couldn't face the shattering of all that mattered most to him in life.

He just hoped that some day it would stop hurting.

~~*~~


End file.
